and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
