that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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