You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
