You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
