on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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