My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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