first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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