It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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