you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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