Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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