my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
