I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
