Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
