and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dignity is for republicans.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
