I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
