three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
