Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
