honey bunches of taint.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
