The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
