i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
