i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
