Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My cat gives me a boner
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
