she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize