I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
