Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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