i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The air was thick with penises
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
