Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
