okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
