So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
