She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
