I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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