The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want her autograph on my taint
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
