Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
