i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
