okay pat passed out under dana's car
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
