I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
