Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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