how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
