If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
