Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
