There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
