some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
