Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
