I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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