According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
