remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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