Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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