okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So much rum. So many feels.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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