Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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