Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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