i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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