She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
