I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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