is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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