You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
