i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
