i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
