Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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