he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
